God provides for our needs at just the right time

At one time I knew nothing about Alzheimer’s disease. It was something foreign to me and only happened to other people. I walked blissfully through life unaware of the disease’s impact. Until my mom was diagnosed with it.

I bought books, asked questions and sought advice. But arming myself with knowledge was not enough. I had to experience the sorrow and pain of watching mom slowly lose her memory.

There was no question that I would be one of her caregivers. But even as I knew this valley we walked through was part of God’s plan, I still brought my concerns to Him.

“I can’t do this,” I cried. This disease was like a tall mountain that threatened to crush me as I tried to climb it. I felt too small and unqualified to give mom the care she needed.

So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.” – Exodus 3:10

God chose Moses to free the Israelites. But he must have felt the task was too big for him, because he had many objections.

Who Me?

But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” – Exodus 3:11 (NIV)

I don’t know how

Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what shall I tell them?” – Exodus 3:13 (NIV)

No one will believe me

Moses answered, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you’?” – Exodus 4:1 (NIV)

I cannot speak

Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” – Exodus 4:10

I am not qualified

But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.” – Exodus 4:13 (NIV)

With every objection Moses had, God responded with provision and help. God did not expect Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt on his own. He always intended be with Moses and provide him with tools and helpers.

God also provides us with whatever we need when climbing our mountains.

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. – 2 Corinthians 9:8

A year and a half ago, mom left us for heaven. Looking back, I see all of the help God provided us, especially the days where we felt helpless and no idea what to do. He sent us wonderful people who provided guidance when we were lost and gave us the resources needed to help us care for mom.

He was there and he provided.

When we look beyond our insecurities and inabilities, we allow God to work through us. And he will provide us with everything we need.

The Hat Lady

8 / 19 / 159 / 14 / 15

My mom recently celebrated her 68th birthday. Mom has Alzheimer’s Disease, and every birthday I get to celebrate with her is precious to me. Below is a tribute to mom.

The woman sits in a chair watching the children play. They are laughing as they search through an old wooden chest for treasures. Occasionally they look at her and wave.

They are her grandchildren but she does not remember this. She knows they are a part of her life but cannot connect the significance of their relation. To her they are small and beautiful children having a good time. She enjoys watching them.

The tallest girl reaches into the wooden chest and pulls out a white brimmed hat with a wrinkled and dusty bow hanging off the back.

The woman smiles and shakes her head up and down. The hat is familiar to her. It fills her with warmth, love and happiness.

The girl puts it on her head and twirls around for everyone to see.

The woman laughs. The hat reminds her of… Of what?

She sees four girls playing in a long ago place. A time much different from now. They play games on a freshly cut lawn while a man and woman watch from their lawn chairs. Could it be the same hat she wore when she herself was a young girl?

No, there is more to it than that.

She sees a man holding out his hand to a woman. She takes it, and he leads her close to him. They start to dance – a dance that has lasted over forty years. Yes it is the hat she put on that long ago day when she married the love of her life.

No. This much more than the love of a husband and wife.

Babies. She can smell the scents of baby powder and spilt milk. She sees a young woman carrying a child while three little ones are fast asleep on her bed. Maybe it is the hat she put on the day her first child was born. The one she wore all of those years raising four children.

No. There is still something more.

She sees young man wearing a tuxedo. He waits and watches as a beautifully dressed woman in white walks towards him. Maybe it’s the hat she wore the day she became a mother-in-law.

No she senses there is more.

She sees the worry in a man’s face while he kneels down and prays for his son who has just gone off to war. Maybe it was the hat she wore while praying for her son’s safety.

No. That’s not it.

In this dark valley

5 / 6 / 159 / 23 / 15

Today you can find me in the dark valley at Me Too Moments For Moms where I share how God is working through my mom and her Alzheimer’s disease.

“Don’t step on a crack,” she said.

“Why not,” I asked.

“Because you will break your mother’s back,” she said.

I turned to her. “But you’re my mom,” I said and she laughed.

My mom and I go through this bit quite often. She always laughs when I feign surprise and exclaim that she is my mom. I love to see her laugh and smile. It makes me happy – but yet sad. You see my mom suffers from Alzheimer’s disease.

She tells people I am her daughter but I’m not sure she knows what that means. Does she know that she gave birth to me? Does she know how she shaped and molded me to become the woman I am today or is the word “daughter” just a label she associates me with?

When she was first diagnosed, it seemed unreal. Sure she was forgetting things more than normal but she still knew the names and birthdays of her children. She could still have a conversation with relatives about the good old days and she still knew when my dad would sneak outside to smoke a cigarette. In fact, until that day at the doctor’s office, she was still driving. Read More

What good can come of Alzheimer’s Disease?

2 / 11 / 159 / 14 / 15

Mom anticipating opening her Christmas gift.

As a teenager, my mom and her family moved to California for her last two years of high school. She loved it there and always told me stories. She talked about the warm weather, long days at the beach and school dances she had attended.

Most of her free time was spent at the beach with friends. In those days, local bands would show up at the beach and play. It was nothing formal. They would sing a few songs, mingle with everyone then play some more. One of those bands was the up and coming Beach Boys. She talked about how she was friends with them and how nice they were.

Occasionally she would pull out her yearbook and point out classmates who had gone on to become television and movie stars.

About ten years ago, my sister and I took mom back to California. She took us to restaurants and other places she had frequented as a teenager and showed us where scenes from certain movies were filmed. She knew this because she had been to these places and recognized them from the movie.

Finding mom

10 / 22 / 149 / 14 / 15

We left the restaurant and noticed an elderly woman hunched over, grasping a cane with both hands. She was barely able to place one foot in front of the other. My mom walked over to her and gently put her hand on her elbow. “Do you need some help,” she asked.

The woman looked at her and smiled. “No thank you,” she said. “My daughter is bringing the car and will help me”. They spoke for a few more seconds as I stood watching. You might think my mom did a nice thing by asking the woman if she needed help. But for me it was much more than that.

Three years ago, my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Since then her mental health has declined. She can still dress herself and complete household chores, and even though she calls me by my sister’s name, she still knows I’m her daughter. There are things that she cannot do anymore. She forgets how to speak certain words, making it difficult to communicate.

When we encountered the woman outside the restaurant, my mom stood up straight, confidently walked over to the woman and spoke in full sentences. I was speechless as I watched her. In that moment, she was my mom again – the mom who was not sick, but young and healthy.